Viola Meynell Letter to Gladys Huntington, 07/08/1938

July 8, 1938My darling Gladys, It is a more wonderful thing even than I expected - at least more wonderful within, that it is at all times accessible, as it were, and does not disappear down labyrinths, as I had thought it might conceivably do here and there. It is a most vital and [quivering?] document. I had been rather too busy yesterday and was suddenly overtaken by a dreadful fit of exhaustion. When I had recovered a little in bed I began to read the first exercise book. I found every line so absorbing that I couldn’t find the place to stop, until finally, at a little less than half way through the whole I had to stop because the pain - [tuluess?] was too great for me. I had mostly succeeded in my effort to read it as by someone unknown to me, that

July 8, 1938

My darling Gladys,

It is a more wonderful thing even than I expected - at least more wonderful within, that it is at all times accessible, as it were, and does not disappear down labyrinths, as I had thought it might conceivably do here and there. It is a most vital and [quivering?] document. I had been rather too busy yesterday and was suddenly overtaken by a dreadful fit of exhaustion. When I had recovered a little in bed I began to read the first exercise book. I found every line so absorbing that I couldn’t find the place to stop, until finally, at a little less than half way through the whole I had to stop because the pain - [tuluess?] was too great for me.

I had mostly succeeded in my effort to read it as by someone unknown to me, that

I might get the suspense and thrill of half-revealed circumstances and events. (It is so good not to know sometimes, and to be only half-told). But the gradually accumulated weight of agony had to be fastened on to you, and I had the dismay of knowing that it was far worse than I thought. And I had to wonder why I had not been more in on that illness, and to feel dreadfully unhappy on that account. But however it was, I know it’s forgiven. Nothing, by the way, could be abstracted from the opening [illuess??]: it would lose unspeakably. What I am saying applies to this first nearly-half that I have read, for I can read no more until I have more life to resist it. I’m feeling somewhat weak today heaven knows why, so I don’t suppose it will go to the typist till Monday, and I shall read the remainder in typescript.[sideways]All that you have to say I could read [carefully/endlessly], and the thought that you can and will do this on a big scale is positively thrilling to me. Much love to youViola

I might get the suspense and thrill of half-revealed circumstances and events. (It is so good not to know sometimes, and to be only half-told). But the gradually accumulated weight of agony had to be fastened on to you, and I had the dismay of knowing that it was far worse than I thought. And I had to wonder why I had not been more in on that illness, and to feel dreadfully unhappy on that account. But however it was, I know it’s forgiven. Nothing, by the way, could be abstracted from the opening [illuess??]: it would lose unspeakably.

What I am saying applies to this first nearly-half that I have read, for I can read no more until I have more life to resist it. I’m feeling somewhat weak today heaven knows why, so I don’t suppose it will go to the typist till Monday, and I shall read the remainder in typescript.

[sideways]

All that you have to say I could read [carefully/endlessly], and the thought that you can and will do this on a big scale is positively thrilling to me. 

Much love to you

Viola